Inside
by Tashana Ambrosia
Summary: Major spoilers for "The Beast Within" How is Beast Boy dealing with what happened between Raven and himself. Please read and review. Its a nice little one-shot. May be extended depending on response. Slight Rea/BB


**Authoress' Notes: **Major spoilers for "The Beast Within" from Season 3, which happens to be one of my favorite episodes of all time. The first section of dialogue is directly from the episode. I'm not quite so sure about the 1st person POV, but I'll let you guys decide if you like it. There is a little Rea/BB to this story, but it's subtle. Anyways. I hope you enjoy. Happy reading.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Teen Titans. They are owned by DC comics and WB. This is purely for entertainment purposes only and I am making no profit from this.

**Inside**

***Beast Boy's POV***

I could smell her coming more than I could really hear her. I could hear her, I mean my ears aren't just for looks, but I caught her scent first. She always had this faint scent of herbs on her, but that always mingled with her body wash and shampoo, and then there was scent of whatever emotion she was suppressing just under those. Animals can smell certain emotions, at least the primal ones. Right now I can't tell what she's feeling, but I know what I'm feeling: guilt. She has an antiseptic smell from being in our medical bay, while her body healed itself. She been standing behind me for a minute or so, not saying anything.

The guilt was eating away at me, all those things I said to my friends, how could they just forgive me? Robin and Cyborg had mostly just picked on me about all the meat I had consumed. It was their way of letting me know we were still good. Starfire had hugged me tight enough to make my ribs crack and assured me that her feelings were not hard towards me. I had made all my apologies to the titans, well all expect for… Raven. I had avoided her in the medical bay, even faked being asleep earlier when she stopped into check on me. I just couldn't face her, yet.

I'd walked down here to the edge of the water; it usually calmed me, but no luck tonight. I felt a little nauseous, but I know I didn't really hurt her. I knew that Adonis had been the one that… That he had… He had hurt her. I knew I hadn't, but I couldn't stop myself, "So, he was the one hurt you, right? Not me."

"He broke into the tower to attack you," Her voice was quiet and controlled as she explained what I couldn't remember, "and wound up attacking me too."

I shuddered at my own fractured memories of the last two days. "Ugh." I could see myself devouring an entire ham. "I can't believe I ate meat." My memory flashed to bumping into Raven and getting in her face after she apologized. "I acted like a jerk. I'm sorry."

"You weren't yourself." Her answer was simple. It was her acceptance of my apology that she saw no point in me giving. If I wasn't myself then I wasn't totally responsible for my actions.

I wrung my hands together; the situation was still eating away at me. "Cyborg says the chemicals at the lab messed with my DNA. Unleashed, something _primal_." I hated that word. Primal, it made me sound dangerous, like a rabid dog that doesn't know how not to bite.

"And he gave you an antidote. You're better now." Her low tone was soothing to my ears, but…

"Yeah, but that thing, that beast, it came from inside me." I looked into the water at my own distorted reflection and felt even more miserable. "And it's still there; I can feel it."

"Good." Her answer to me is again simple and she sat down next to me without hesitation. There was no trace of fear in her scent as she continued, "If it wasn't for that beast, I might not be here right now."

I dared to look up at her and we make eye contact for the first time, since…

She held my gaze for a moment before continuing, "Having that thing inside doesn't make you an animal; knowing when to let it out is what makes you a man."

Hearing her call me a man made me smile involuntarily. I need stop thinking about all of this before I drive myself crazy. "Hmm." I stand up proudly, "Maybe you should call me, Beast Man, from now on.

"We're having a moment here, don't ruin it." Her voice was sarcastic, but not harsh. It was her way of telling me that I was coming close to the line.

"Beast Dude?" I just couldn't help myself, I really tried.

"Ugh." She grumbled. The line had officially been crossed.

She stood up to leave, reaching for her hood, I guess we were done. I just can't get over how easy it was for me to lose control. What if I lose control again? What if the next time I hurt her?

"I couldn't control it. I just lost my temper and it came out. I need to know how to control it. Can you teach me?" I pleaded, hoping to god that she wouldn't blow me up or send me to another dimension for grabbing her hand.

***Raven's POV***

I thought about blowing him up for a moment, the skin to skin contact was nearly unbearable with his uncontrolled emotions boiling over his mind. Then I looked into his eyes, he was near tears and I could literally taste his guilt and fear. I've been afraid of myself before and it was not pleasant condition to be in.

"I need help, Raven, please."

He looked into my eyes and I had to look away. It was too, much. There too much emotion in his face, in his eyes, I could very nearly feel the essence of his soul. There was so much guilt over something that wasn't really his fault. He needed my help.

I pulled my hand away from his, and he looked down sadly, before noticing I was motioning for him to follow me. We made our way back up the beach, into the Tower, up the stair and down the hallway to rooms in total silence. It was the longest I have ever heard Beast Boy silent. It was slightly unnerving. I cleared my throat to break the silence. "You will need a familiar place to meditate at first. We can start in your room."

He nodded slowly and pressed the panel to open his door.

We stood motionless staring at the horror of Beast Boy's room, which I might add, is normally messy. The room however was not messy, it was destroyed. In fact it appeared that every item in the room had been systematically broken or slashed to ribbons.

He let out pained cry, almost like a child, who had his favorite toy broken.

As thought crossed my mind I realized that it probably was broken. Along with every other possession that Beast Boy had. I also realized that often, memories were attached to possessions. I pressed my hand against the panel, closing the door.

He looked up at me; tears unshed, and made a joke. "Wow, I guess I'm like bull in a china-doll shop."

The joke was not funny, and I did not laugh. Instead I reached down and took his hand into mine. "Come with me."

We came to the next door. This door led to my room. I pressed my hand to the panel and the door opened. I walked inside, but was stopped short.

Our hands were still connected and he had stopped short at the threshold of my door. "No one goes in your room." He reminded me, his tone dreadfully melancholy.

No wonder Starfire is constantly trying to cheer me. It's painful to hear a friend that sad.

I smile, very slightly. "I am inviting you in. I am not inviting you to touch _anything_. I am just inviting you in."

He nodded very slowly. His eyes wandered around my room. Taking in no doubt what he thought was the gloomiest place he'd ever seen in his life.

I disentangled my hand from his. I pushed the curtains back from the window, lit my candles and closed my door with my powers. The moon and candlelight bathed my room in a comforting glow. I found it comforting at least; I glanced sideways at Beast Boy to see his reaction.

He was staring up at the moon, nearly unblinking.

I had a flash image of the last movie night and a werewolf transformation. I pushed the image away and concentrated on my current task. "You need to pick words."

He blinked, then looked at me, and grinned slightly, his tooth sticking out over his lip. "You mean like Mumbo Jumbo?" He snickered.

I glared. I know I glared, because he shrank back slightly. "No, not stupid parlor-trick magic words. You need to pick real words that comfort or calm you."

"I was trying to make a joke." He muttered and rubbed the back of his neck.

I sighed heavily. I had taken him to my room to get him away from the mess of his room, but this might have been a mistake. I could take him to the roof. We could both be comfortable up there.

"I'm just not really a words kinda guy." He admitted breaking into my thoughts.

I arched my eyebrow incredulously, "You're always talking, _always_."

"So." He huffed and flopped down on my floor. He looked down at the rug beneath him and rubbed his hand over the texture. "Can I just be quiet?"

"Can you?" I hadn't meant to snip, but I had. I felt bad again, because again I could feel his sadness leaking out. I sat down in front of him and crossed my legs into my comfortable lotus position. "Sorry. I'm not used to having people in here. I do want to help you. Can you sit like this?"

He mimicked my position effortlessly. I guess being able to change into any animal, would grant you a pretty limber body. He cocked his head to the side. "Now what?"

"You repeat a mantra to calm yourself and bring yourself to your center."

I had only taught Starfire to meditate, before and honestly I think she just hovered in unbearable-for-her silence until I asked her if she wanted to travel to the 'mall of shopping.' Ah bonding with your teammates.

I wasn't really the teaching type. "This is why you pick words. It helps you center."

"My heartbeat helps me calm down." He picked at his sneakers.

I guess I wasn't going to win the words battle. "Fine. Listen to your heartbeat. Let the repetitive sound draw you in and unburied your mind. Azarath Mentrion Zinthos." I repeated my own mantra and let myself relax. I need to pull myself back in after all the power I'd used healing my own body. There was nothing but my inner light. Azarath Mentrion Zinthos.

"Um. Raven." Beast Boy cleared his throat.

I opened one eye and looked at the changeling in front of me. His green eyes were alert. "Yes, Beast Boy."

"What do your words mean?"

My other eye flew open and I was flung from my relaxed state. No one had ever asked me what my words meant. I felt angry that he would dare to invade my personal space to ask that, and yet I was somewhat touched that he would what to know.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Curious." He bit on his lip, as if he had suddenly thought better of his question.

I folded my hands together and looked down at them. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to explain this to anyone.

He cleared his throat, breaking our uncomfortable silence. "You don't have to tell me."

"I know." I informed him, before drawing a deep breath. "Azarath is my home. Mentrion is the balancing force of all things and Zinthos…"

"Raven."

I stopped as he said my name and looked up.

He was staring at me, plainly mystified by my forwardness of information. He reached out to cover my hands with his. "Stop." He whispered as our skin contacted.

His touch didn't shock me so badly this time. A fair amount of his guilt and fear had dissipated. What was odd was it had been replaced with gratitude and a sense of happy calm. I didn't think he was capable of calm. I was, however, very confused as to why he would ask me question, just to stop me short of the full answer.

"Save the last word for yourself." He smiled at me and drew one of his hands back into his lap and placed the other over his heart. After a moment he started patting out his own heartbeat on his chest.

I was now stunned into a stupor of my own. His words echoed in my mind for a moment, before I let myself slip back into my much needed meditation. Azarath Mentrion Zinthos

I don't know how long I stayed in that state, but I do know that Beast Boy did not interrupt again.

When I finally opened my eyes and found him curled up on the floor sound asleep. I was going to wake him up and send him out, but then… I thought of the state of his room and how it had affected him the first time seeing it. I decided against it.

I unfolded myself and stretched out a bit before leaving my room and going down to the bathroom.

After washing up, I returned to my room and found Beast Boy looking at me with sleepy eyes.

He rubbed his face and started to stand. "I can go…"

"You can stay." I cut him off, speaking faster then I'm sure I ever had. "Pick a small animal form and curl up on a pillow."

He blinked a few times, as if processing each one of my words slowly. He finally nodded.

I pushed the covers of my bed back and crawled under them. I sighed and relaxed.

"Mew."

I looked at the pillow next to mine and stared at the little green kitten for a moment.

"If I wake up and you are not in the form, you are going to a very painful dimension. Are we clear?"

The kitten nodded trying to look serious.

I could not stop the tiny giggle that escaped at the sheer ridiculousness of the face the kitten had just made. I glared at him after the giggle passed. "We are never talking about that again, ever."

Another silly-still-trying-to-be-serious kitten face nod.

I rolled over on my side and got comfortable. As I started to drift off I could hear a tiny purring and I couldn't help the slight face that crossed my face.

***

Okay so my muse bit me and had to get this out. So four hours of rapid typing and editing and tah-dah. I hope you all like this. Thank you so very much for reading. Please read and review.


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